Wednesday, May 9, 2012
This spring has had its ups and downs for me but I must say that I am very thankful for the downs as in retrospect it is those times of trial that spur me on to growth, expansion and illuminating who I truly am. Several lessons have come to light in the past few weeks including the realization that even though you may think you are not feel the Cycle of Healing very much this time around issues are being worked out with or without your direct awareness. I am just now seeing that some of the issues I have been struggling with in past cycles have evolved this cycle.
In late 2010 I had started with Seminary work full of enthusiasm and determination. I had it in the back of my mind that I wanted to follow through with the first year at the very minimum. I loved working on the lessons but found as the months went on my enthusiasm waned as I felt that I was spread too thin and at about 3/4 of the way through I made the heart wrenching decision to drop out at least at that time. I was more than disappointed with myself as I had so wanted to finish for many reasons. Determination to see things through to the finish, not wanted to waste the tuition money I had paid etc etc.. But I was exhausted, burnt out and was not at all satisfied with the work I was submitting. Not my best effort or ability by far.
Though it was through my work with Seminary that my love for creating artwork was re-ignited. Soon I was researching not only Celtic art but new techniques and the use of colour in my work. This journey into art led me to a wonderful community of artists who encouraged me to start a weekly art stream on Ustream called Morgan’s Fancies, a Youtube channel and a blog. I am having a blast that is for sure and my bedroom loft is now partially an art studio!
I have found that some issues that I was dealing with in Seminary have been popping up for me within my art journey as well:
- Constantly comparing my self and my work to others.
- Not believing that my own artwork is as good or as worthy as others in the community.
- Hesitating/Procrastinating the completion of projects even though I really want to.
- Avoiding working on what my heart truly wants to work on in order not to offend anyone or lose viewers.
It took an incident within the art community (more about it here) to finally put my foot down and stand up for myself. Something I had not done very often in this lifetime and over the last few cycles I have become more and more aware of this. All this finally drove home to me how one cycle builds upon another. It also gives me pause to look back and see just how far I have come and be amazed at just exactly who I am.
It is just now dawning on me that I am just as I am meant to be.. Unfolding all that I am instead of endlessly struggling to change my basic nature. There is no need for me to be better. Period. I am worthy just as I am and as time goes by more of who I am is already is revealed not just to myself but to the world at large. I attracting those lessons, people, places and things that will help me along my journey of revelation rather than surrounding myself with verbally, mentally and spiritually toxic people, places and things.
Currently two books have had a huge impact this cycle and I am devouring every word. They both in their unique ways have hit me like no other books have in the past couple of years. Here they are:
The Dance by Oriah and The Bodacious Book of Succulence by SARK
Both of these books have so much of an effect on me that I find myself constantly in tears reading them. YES THAT STRONG! The strong passionate feeling that you get in your heart and in your gut when you know intrinsically that something is the truth and is right for you.
So what has come of all this in this past cycle? A new passion for positivity in my life! Working on new art projects and books with a renewed sense of enthusiasm! Life is certainly more energetic and fun these days as opposed to feeling a bit detached from the Cycle of Healing and truthfully with life in general. I needed this as a wake up call as I truly feel like I was living life on auto pilot for a bit too long.
This has been a bit lengthy I know but I sincerely appreciate you for taking the time to read through to the end.
Into the Gloaming